the Eyes of Francis Cunningham
The eyes that then belonged to young Francis Cunningham shot open and he sat up because he knew something was wrong as the sun was too high so his arm reached out and grabbed his phone which was near dying but still showed the time as past nine in the morning and he was late but could still make it without it being too damning as he’d been too damning in the past and he shot up and began to dress with the scattered remains of the outworn outlived clothes scattered on the ground and his teeth were sharp and raw and the smell was revolting and by then he’d dressed and opening the door he whimpered to himself for he was scared as he’d been scared before and he couldn’t believe that he’d let this happen to him again and when he closed his eyes it was as if his mind shut and there was nothing but the blink ended and he’d already left the house and he was walking fast.
Near the train station he saw he had six minutes until the next train and from there he text Klaudia who would then be opening the building and told her he was late because of the train but to expect him any minute now and he bought himself two cans of Diet Coke one to clear the mouth and the other to settle the stomach that now threatened to give up on him for it would end if he continued to carve deep holes into its membrane, burning it away and letting its acid and bile drip through the holes into the rest of his system letting it corrode all around and letting everything inside himself become corrosive and he started humming and closed his eyes but had to leave the quiet that brought because the train had arrived.
The train it rocked and rocked and it wasn’t so bad and really he was fine for he’d had fun he’d only met his friends and then it was time for the waking it was just that the alarm didn’t go off and that was fine because accidents happen and then he was angry for why could they not see that accidents happen and they were unreasonable for expecting them not to happen and they only happened to himself but then sure they only happened to himself for he caused the accidents and he knew that it was only him letting the accidents pile and pile until one day they’ll collapse and that’ll be the biggest accident of all won’t it Francis and they all know its coming for him but now he’s reached the destination.
There’s one of the quiet rooms in the building and he can go there and close his eyes or look at the messages or look at the absence of messages and the absence of messages is louder for there’s a reason for the absence now isn’t there Francis, there’d only be one reason for an absence of messages and that’d be you now wouldn’t it Francis, it’d only be your fault wouldn’t it Francis, but then its not your fault is it Francis and the second Diet Coke isn’t really hitting the spot is it Francis its going straight through the absence in yourself isn’t it Francis, isn’t yourself just an absence really Francis isn’t it just a day or ten or more or less until you’re just an absence Francis.
And then the day passes and Francis knows that he’s made the decision that it’ll stick this time for he’s fed up of this and the accidents and the problems and the holes and he can be full can’t he. Given enough time isn’t anything healable and nothing is forever gone and so he tells those who have yet to send him messages that he’s sorry and it was a mistake and that’d he himself would do better for its not right to put the accidents on the others and then they reply and they say they were worried and it’d be best if yourself, Francis, took a break from things and focus on yourself, Francis.
And then the next days pass and isn’t he himself, he’s looking well sure in only the two days hasn’t he lost a bit of weight and he’s smiling on the train again and listening to The Beatles again and look and behold hasn’t Francis gone for a run and that’s very good and the absence is gone and sure enough he’s in such fine form that isn’t he walking home in the glorious sun and there’s a beautiful tune and he’s off to meet the twinkling souls of the people he loves and why wouldn’t you just grab something from the shop for on the way and sure you’ll be waiting twenty minutes anyways so why not buy a few more from the shop so you’ll be able to be in the right proper mood, then you’ll be the entertaining one won’t you Francis he says to himself and he knows that its true in that moment because he’s very very happy and a part of him says but you won’t be doing it again will you Francis but Francis knows that everything is just mighty and promises to himself, he promises to himself that it won’t be happening again at all for why would it. The little voice says to Francis, don’t you forget it Francis, don’t you forget that accidents happen.
And again, the eyes that belong to Francis Cunningham shoot open.